Moving away from fake positivity
A common trend in the vitiligo world is to preach false positivity about the white marks on the skin. The idea is that the person should feel confident and positive at all times in all social situations. There is also no explanation about how a person can do this apart from quotes like “you can do it” and “believe in yourself” These ideas are well intentioned but clearly demonstrate a lack of understanding about what confidence is and where it comes from. The key question is how can a person with vitiligo feel confident and positive in social situations when they have such an obvious physical difference between them and the people they talk to? Here we explore the puzzle.
Confidence will not come from denying that your white marks are something that you maybe don’t want or like during conversations. Confidence comes from clear diagnostics of what will cause you to feel uncomfortable when meeting people and what factors you can influence to move the momentum of positivity in your favour during interactions. Creating the correct combination of compounding effects will cause confidence to be the only natural consequence.
Diagnostics 1: People will look at your vitiligo and you will notice them looking. This is literally the only thing that makes you uncomfortable and lose your confidence. This is why all your attention should be focused on the exact moment you notice the person put their eyes on your marks. They have seen your marks and maybe mentally judged you. Now what?
Compounding measure 1: Frame change: A good idea is to assume a position of leadership and love in the interaction. Now you are coming from a higher place than the person and any negative judgements they might be thinking about you will impact you as little as a silly comment from a child. Now you are actively thinking about how you can better serve this person and leave them better than you found them. The moment they look at your white marks can be used as a trigger moment to mentally repeat “ I love you, I love you , I love you” to them. Now you are not seeking their approval. You are creating the conditions to impact THEM positively.
Compounding measure 2: Eye contact: Most people are bad at eye contact but the fact is that good eye contact makes you a more confident and effective communicator. A person who has vitiligo and is struggling to be positive cannot afford to waste this opportunity of adding something to be confident about in their skillset. Start looking at people in the left eye, right eye and lips repeatedly in that order during conversations. After some time it will be natural and a superpower since people will notice how easily you do it and admire you for it. Eye contact really starts to make you confident when you realise looking into someone´s eyes sincerely and from a place of honesty is addictive and a precursor to deep connection.
Compounding measure 3: Posture: Another thing people struggle with during interactions is posture. People are always making unnecessary movements and struggle to remain present and calm during conversations. Once again if you are able to do this then you will be in a different category of confident communicators. Good posture during conversations consists of open and calm body movements that imply safety and stability. nothing spectacular.
You cannot feel confident unless you create reasons for the feeling of confidence to exist inside you. After learning this principle you can continue creating more and more compounding measures that will make your white marks unimportant during conversations. Good luck!
Other notes:
People who do not have vitiligo also do not feel confident and positive all the time.
